Help for Shy Women


In the remedy of anxiousness disorders (these as social anxiety) the pursuing process is frequently made use of (in this order): perception, perseverance and action. This course of action has a number of downsides: anxious people today are typically much less learnable, that is, they have issues in buying new expertise (e.g. in the being familiar with of their disorders), and in the attempt to exhibit behavioural improvements anxious folks frequently demonstrate (psychological) resistance (avoidance behaviour).

Thanks to these downsides, the treatment method duration is typically much too long or the remedy fails. The subsequent procedure has a different approach, particularly the higher than process is utilised in reversed purchase and as a result, de negatives are mostly removed. The nervous particular person gets to begin with an assignment (motion) from the coach (or therapist) with out a finish in depth explanation. If the activity is profitable, then the significantly less anxious unique will receive additional mastering- and do the job assignments (insight) from the coach.

This cure is primarily based mainly on the problem-fixing remedy of the American psychiatrist and psychotherapist Milton H. Erickson (founder of the unusual therapy and hypnotherapy). Erickson explored different strategies to deal with unique social difficulties without the need of analysing the past of his clientele (e.g. the way they had been introduced up).

Other therapists researched the approaches of Erickson and utilized them in their exercise. One of individuals therapists Jay Haley (1976) explained in his e book a range of periods on a family with a youthful boy who was concerned of dogs. The therapist in these classes arrived up with a remarkable solution to assist this younger boy to lower his fears for puppies. The therapist requested this younger boy – with the support of his mom and dad – to choose a compact pet in his dwelling which he thinks is really frightened and to cure its panic. In short, this alternative aided this youthful boy to be significantly less fearful of canine. The pursuing procedure is based on the story about this young boy who was scared of canines and was the moment executed by a male who was fearful of women of all ages. This gentleman knew a female who he assumed was very shy and he attempted effectively to overcome her shyness. He did this by having call with this girl and conversing to her about himself. Soon after the conferences with this woman he later noticed changes in his behaviour and the way he thinks and feels.

Down below are some improvements he has found in himself immediately after the meetings with this earlier shy girl:

  • far more open up to many others
  • not frightened of gals (he experienced a two-calendar year friendship with a gorgeous clever Chinese lady – with a faculty diploma – who also participated in Miss out on China 2005)
  • in a position to ague (get angry) with some others (but direct to the termination of his friendship with his Chinese girlfriend)
  • equipped to cope with the ending of friendships with many others greater than just before
  • ready to forecast the conduct of others and read through their nonverbal behaviour
  • enhanced motorist skills (and turned later a competent driving instructor)
  • improved sport techniques (like swimming)
  • does not have to have liquor or drugs to really feel much better
  • in the course of personal conversations with others, he is frequently “significant”
  • was identified more or less as retarded but afterwards acquired a bachelor’s degree in the social sciences
  • enhanced mind features (this sort of as memory and contemplating)
  • in a position to think at a better amount.

Cure approach

A cure for adult men who are fearful of women of all ages, contains:

  1. Action
  2. Perseverance
  3. Perception (moreover probable subsequent assignment)


The male consumer follows the directions (orders) of the coach.


A male consumer – who is afraid of women – is instructed to appear for a female who he thinks is really shy and tries to remedy her shyness. The male consumer must be able to overcome her shyness by staying vulnerable to her (that is, by chatting to her about himself).


The male shopper proceeds to perform the process (assignment).

Case in point:

The male customer goes at the time a week to this shy woman and talks to her about himself. The male customer really should gradual (that is, in modest techniques) be vulnerable to her, mainly because if he is way too quick in being susceptible to her, this may possibly lead to (some) uncomfortable surprises (this kind of as nervousness) for her.

Perception (additionally probable subsequent assignments)

If the male client succeeds in curing the shyness of the girl (that is, the woman is equipped to be vulnerable to many others), then the male shopper will receive more finding out- and perform assignments from the trainer.

Case in point:

The male consumer reads guides / articles (or areas of guides / articles or blog posts – copies) that the trainer recommends to him, for instance:

  • about the advancement of panic / shyness, e.g. the e book from the author Terry Dixon:
  • about associations, e.g. textbooks from the writer / marital therapist Andrew G. Marshall
  • about “the Fantasy of Mars and Venus”, e.g. publications from the writers Deborah Cameron and Cordelia High-quality.

The male consumer also carries out a amount of activities to improve his chances of obtaining a wholesome and long lasting partnership with a woman, these types of as:

  • emotional regulation teaching
  • conversation techniques teaching
  • likely to the activity university (to get a nutritious physique)
  • find out to cook dinner
  • understand to dance
  • find out to take care of young children.


Haley, J. (1976). Challenge Resolving Treatment. New Techniques for Productive Family Remedy. San Francisco / London: Jossey-Bass, Inc.

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